


Green Eyes

by morganofthewildfire



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Cheating, F/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26091226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganofthewildfire/pseuds/morganofthewildfire
Summary: When a drunken mistake changes the only future that Aelin Galathynius had ever imagined for herself, she’s forced to learn how to navigate the world on her own.  A world that proves to be full of surprises and betrayal from those she thought she could trust.
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien & Rowan Whitethorn, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Chaol Westfall, Lyria/Rowan Whitethorn
Comments: 70
Kudos: 101





	1. Chapter 1

Aelin woke to soft, morning light streaming in through the window. Eyes still fuzzy from sleep, and head pounding from how much she drank the night before, she rolled over into the warmth of her boyfriend, Chaol. They had gotten into a fight last night, bad enough to drive her to the nearest bar to drink away her problems, but she figured they had made up when she got home, if the ache between her legs was any indication. She didn’t remember much about the night before if she was honest, but she could tell she had not gone to bed alone. So she had no hesitations about cuddling the body next to hers, slipping her arms around his torso and resting her face in between his shoulder blades.

She almost drifted back into sleep when she felt the man she was curled around shift slightly, rolling over to face her. When she met piercing green eyes instead of the brown eyes of her boyfriend, she started panicking. Heart racing and breaths unsteady, she stared into eyes as wide as her own. 

“Fuck,” was all she said after a minute of silence. He simply raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly, causing her eyes to narrow.

“Again?” He said in a haughty tone. She opened her mouth, gaping slightly at his insinuation, and she immediately decided she hated this strange man with gorgeous green eyes who had potentially ruined her relationship with a man she loved. Well, she claimed she loved him but she wasn’t so sure. Argument after argument had really piled on her and she was so tired of it. But he didn’t deserve to be cheated on, which apparently she had done.

She abruptly shot up and scrambled out of the bed, realizing she was naked when she felt the cool air on her skin. Her eyes searched the unfamiliar room until she found her dress, underwear, and shoes scattered around the floor, very much looking like they had been thrown off in a fit of passion. She swallowed, throat tight with unshed tears and panic, as she raced to put her dress back on. Without looking at the man in the bed, she found her phone in the corner of the room and opened it to see ten missed calls and fifteen texts from Chaol, all asking if they could talk, if she would come home, if she was okay, he was sorry, he didn’t mean to upset her. Bullshit if you ask her, he knew what he was doing when he made that comment about her past last night. She knew she didn’t have the most desirable history, but she thought he had accepted the parts of her that weren’t exactly black and white. She was wrong.

She stood up from where she was on the floor and shakily looked over to the bed. The man was sitting up now and looking at his own phone on the nightstand, not paying attention to her as she dressed. Aelin took a moment to examine him. He was quite attractive, with silver hair, tan skin, and those damn green eyes. He was naked too, and the sheet was pooled in his lap, revealing a chiseled chest. If she didn’t have a boyfriend, she definitely would have made a move. She laughed humorlessly under her breath. Apparently drunk her had decided to make a move anyway. As she hurried toward the door, she suddenly stopped and started talking before she knew what she was doing.

“You can’t tell my boyfriend about this,” she said, turning around to look at him. She knew logically that he probably didn’t even know who she was, let alone that she had a boyfriend he could rat on her to. He looked up from his phone to meet her eyes, the brilliance of his taking her breath away again. He chuckled and shook his head slightly.

“As long as you don't tell my girlfriend.” He said simply, then laughed before adding “actually maybe you should, I’ve been looking for a way out of that relationship.” She furrowed her brows, still tense. He sighed. “Look, I don’t even know your name, there’s no way I can even find your boyfriend to tell him.” He continued, gesturing with his hand to emphasize his point. “I was as drunk as you were last night apparently, so let’s just agree to forget this ever happened.” She nodded her head a little bit and he went back to his phone. Aelin turned back to the door and ran out into the hallway. 

She scrambled to the front door, barely even registering the nice house she was rushing through. Gods, what did she do? How was she supposed to deal with this? She couldn’t tell Chaol, that’s for sure. No matter how much of an asshole he was sometimes, she still wanted to salvage their relationship. She burst out of the house into the front yard, and startled when she saw and heard a car pulling into the driveway a few feet away from her. A pretty brunette woman got out of the driver's seat, pulling a small suitcase with her, and pursed her lips at the sight of Aelin rushing to the street, obviously dressed in last night’s clothes.

Aelin didn’t even know what she could say to this woman, most likely the man she had slept with’s girlfriend, so she just ignored her and kept going. It wasn’t her issue to deal with, she had plenty of her own. She called an Uber, not even sure what part of town she was in, and waited impatiently for it, still in front of the man’s house. The loud slam of the front door as the woman stormed inside caused her to jump a little bit. Her stomach roiled and she felt like she was going to be sick.

When a small car pulled up to the curb, she immediately jumped in, and gave the driver the name of the bar she had gone to last night, knowing she needed to get her car to avoid arousing Chaol’s suspicion. As they drove, Aelin tried to focus on her memories from last night. There weren’t many. Her head ached like crazy, and thinking this hard certainly didn’t help. She remembered the argument with Chaol, storming out of the house dressed in clothes fit for a club, Chaol yelling and asking where she was going, throwing him the middle finger, but after she got to the bar and had her first drink everything got a little hazy. It all just came in short flashes when she tried to picture it: sitting at the dark bar top, the glare of the strobe lights as she danced alone out on the floor, turning down others who tried to hit on her. She had gone out to have a good time by herself, she had a boyfriend so she wasn’t accepting advances. Which was why she was confused on how she had ended up in a stranger’s bed. She barely even remembered him being there, just a flash of those green eyes from across the room.

She groaned slightly, dropping her head into her hands, before pulling out her phone again and opening the thread of messages from Chaol.

_ I’m on my way home. I stayed at Lys’ last night. _

She typed out her text, sending it before switching over to her conversation with her best friend Lysandra and sending another message.

_ As far as Chaol’s concerned I was at your house all night. _

A few minutes later she got a reply.

_ You got it.  _

_ Are you going to tell me where you actually were? Besides my house of course.  _

Despite herself, Aelin chuckled.

_ Maybe later. I have too much to process right now. _

  
  
  
  
  


Thirty minutes later, she was pulling up to the house she rented with Chaol, having retrieved her car from the bar. Nerves bubbled up in her stomach as she opened the front door cautiously. Her boyfriend was sitting on the living room couch watching TV, and the sight of him brought up all the anger she had felt last night, slightly driving away the massive guilt she felt for cheating on him. At the sound of her heels clicking on the floor, he looked over and stared at her. Aelin was sure she looked disheveled, she desperately needed to shower and she hadn’t exactly put herself together that morning as she rushed out of that man’s house.

“Where were you?” He said finally, standing up and walking over to her. She swallowed before replying, a weird mix of nerves, frustration, and rage overtaking her.

“I already told you I was at Lysandra’s.” He just raised an eyebrow and scoffed.

“Really? Why don’t I believe you?” She clenched her jaw. It wasn’t fair of him to assume anything. Even if he was right. “You obviously dressed to impress last night,” He continued, gesturing to her outfit.

“Why do you even care? You obviously don’t want to spend time with ‘someone like me’,” she said angrily, “those were your exact words right? You couldn’t even believe you had put up with ‘someone like me’ for so long?” He had the decency to look a little ashamed at his harsh statement, but Aelin felt no remorse for her words, just remorse for her actions.

“Look, Aelin,” he sighed, “you know I didn’t mean what I said.” She shook her head slightly.

“Actually I don’t. You obviously had been wanting to say it for a long time so it’s only fair of me to take your words seriously.” She brushed past him and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water in an attempt to soothe the pain in her head. He only scoffed again.

“So you get angry and run into the nearest person’s bed?” She had no defense for the accusation, seeing as it was true, but she couldn’t let him know that.

“You’re such an asshole,” she said tensely, not turning around to look at him.

“Am I wrong?” He said.

“Yes.”  _ No _ . “And how dare you even think that of me.” She turned around then and glared at him, setting the glass down before she accidentally threw it. “You had no right to throw my past at me like some sort of weapon. You have no idea how hard I’ve had to fight my whole life and I won’t sit here now and listen to you slander me.” Her voice came out shaky on the last few words, and before she knew it she was crying. She was angry. Angry at him, angry at her parents for dying, but mostly angry at herself. She hadn’t thought she was capable of being unfaithful, but apparently she had overestimated herself. Chaol, misidentifying the cause of her tears, rushed over and wrapped his arms around her, despite her trying to shove him off.

“Gods I am so, so sorry,” he said, “you’re absolutely right.” She stopped fighting at that, warily settling into his embrace. “I’m a complete and utter dick and you are completely right.” She hugged him back, hiding her face to avoid him seeing the inner conflict she was going through. Was this even what she wanted anymore? Aelin didn’t know. They were constantly getting into fights. He disrespected her and her family and Sam. But he was stable, safe, predictable, and it was easier to stay with him than facing the world alone, so she slipped on a facade and pretended to be a loving, forgiving girlfriend.

They were cautious around each other for the rest of the day, Chaol trying not to upset her again, Aelin trying to keep him from suspecting anything. But as they got more comfortable again that evening, and he took her to bed, she still couldn’t stop thinking of those green eyes, and how they seemed to stare directly into her soul.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read and commented on the first chapter! I definitely have to keep going from here, so I’ll be working on part 3 this week!

Aelin didn’t know what she was doing here. She knew she was physically here for Lysandra’s birthday, but emotionally she didn’t know why she had agreed to come to the bar she had been hell bent on avoiding for the rest of her life. It had been two months since the  _ incident  _ and luckily, Lys was the only one who knew.

When Aelin had explained why she needed her to cover for her, Lys had died laughing. She had never liked Chaol and always thought Aelin could find someone way better. Aelin said he was predictable, Lysandra said he was predictable at being a screw up. She was also the one Aelin always went to after an argument, and had a personal vendetta against anyone who made her best friend cry. And when Aelin had described how hot the stranger was, she had immediately told her to ditch Chaol and go find that guy instead. So Aelin definitely wouldn’t be surprised if Lys had picked this place on purpose.

She sipped on her drink slowly, finishing up her third one already, eyes glancing around the bar until they landed on her boyfriend sitting next to her. Things with Chaol had been fine since then. No arguments, no fights, no storming out to go sleep with other people. In fact, they hardly ever talked anymore. Her hours had been increased at her publishing job, and he always seemed to be out doing things with one of his work friends that she didn’t know. Aelin guessed that she should be concerned that they weren’t spending time together, but she didn’t hate the peace and quiet. It was honestly preferable to being with him, sometimes, and she didn’t want to think about what that meant.

Instead, Aelin grabbed her best friend and pulled her to the bar to get more drinks. She had scoped out the room from the vantage point of their table in the back, and it was thankfully clear of any silver haired, green eyed men.

They got up to the wooden bar top and signaled to the bartender, waiting for their turn.

“Sooo, any updates with you and Aedion?” Aelin pried, eager to find out more about Lys’ blooming relationship, “how was your date?” Lysandra shot her an incredulous look.

“Why do you want to hear about me and your cousin? Isn’t that weird?” Aelin just laughed a little too loudly, betraying how tipsy she already was.

“I trust your discretion,” she giggled, “just don’t tell me anything I don't want to know about.” Lys rolled her eyes in mock exasperation before answering.

“It was great,” she said with a soft smile, “I really like him, Ace.” Aelin felt her eyes getting watery, emotions out of control. Somewhere in her mind she realized if she was conflicted about coming here in the first place, it was probably a bad idea to get drunk here too, as a “bad experience” didn’t cover what had happened last time; but she had her best friend and her boyfriend, plus all their other friends, with her, so she felt like  _ someone  _ would prevent her from making a terrible decision. 

“Gods, you’re drunk,” Lysandra laughed, noticing Aelin’s now spilling tears. She shook her head, trying to clean up her face to prevent any mascara stains.

“I’m just really happy for you,” she said, voice thick. Lys looked at her a little warily, judging if it was time for her to go home, but she waved away the look. She didn’t  _ want  _ to go home. Back to the emptiness, and the stability that she had loved at some point but was beginning to hate. 

The image of her happiness had changed, replaced with a pair of striking green eyes that she couldn’t seem to shake. Aelin knew she should feel guilty about sleeping with him. She felt guilty about betraying Chaol’s trust for sure, but her very few memories of that night had been more exciting than the last few years of being with him. It made her an absolutely shitty person, but some part of her wanted to feel that way again.

But she couldn’t, and wouldn’t, indulge that desire. Stability still won over excitement in the end.

Aelin wiped away the rest of her tears and grinned over at Lysandra.

“I need your drama Lys, I have to get my fix somehow.” That made Lys laugh and they went back to a normal conversation, finally getting their order after about ten more minutes. Aelin ordered an extra tequila shot with her drink, downing it right away.

As Aelin turned away from the bar to go back to their table, her eyes passed the front door just as it opened, revealing an unfortunately familiar person entering the room. She fumbled her next couple of steps, her already clumsy nature doubled by the alcohol and the shock. Lysandra must’ve sensed something was wrong, because she stopped too, furrowing her brows as she looked over at her friend.

When she followed where Aelin’s eyes were pointed, she let out a devious grin.

“That’s him, isn’t it?” She asked teasingly. Aelin gave a tiny nod in response, mouth tight, before setting her feet moving again and rushing back to their table. Lys followed, cackling tipsily the whole time.

Aedion gave them a weird look as they sat back down, noting their odd behavior, but Chaol, thankfully, didn’t notice. Although he would have to pay attention to her to see that something was off, and he hadn’t been doing that all evening. Instead, his focus was on his phone and whoever he was texting. 

Aelin joined back into their conversation, all of them discussing the upcoming concert they had purchased tickets too, Dorian complaining because he couldn’t go. Her eyes kept slipping over to the bar, though, where her one night stand was currently standing, chatting with a very exuberant golden haired man and a brunette man who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but where he was.

Lys, noting this, kept shooting her knowing glances. Aelin chose to pretend like she couldn’t see her, and instead drained her fourth drink faster than she probably should, feeling herself slipping further and further into the realm of drunkenness.

“I need another drink,” she said to no one, slipping from her seat and stumbling toward the bar. She heard Lysandra mutter an “oh gods” and follow her. Aelin saw silver hair in the corner of her vision, but tried to ignore it. This was  _ her  _ bar, two blocks from her apartment, who was he to fuck it up for her? She could just pretend he didn’t exist, easily. But even in her current state, she could tell it was a lie. She was drawn to him like a magnet, and drunk, she had no inhibitions.

She was going to confront him about why he was here. Why wasn’t he as concerned about going to this bar as she was? Why did they even sleep together in the first place? What was it about him that made her ignore her own conscience?

What was his name?

Aelin realized she had accidentally said all of this out loud when Lys grabbed her arm, keeping her from walking ahead.

“As much as I would love to see how this goes, you’ll severely regret it when you’re sober,” she said, holding Aelin back. Aelin just grumbled and pulled her arm free, determined to yell at this man who had shaken up her whole life.

She could tell the exact moment he saw her approach. His eyes locked onto hers and they widened, revealing his shock. He recognized her, clearly, but didn’t look away, which made her angrier.

But now in front of him, instead of shouting at him as she had planned, she just stood there, no more words coming to mind as her blue eyes locked onto his green ones. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

They both just stared at each other in silence, tension sparking between them. Her mind flashed to an image of his green eyes on her from across a crowded room, his silver hair beneath her fingers as she pressed up against him on the dance floor, his full lips on her skin as the weight of his body pushed hers further into the cotton sheets of his bed.

Her eyes widened slightly at the newly returned memories, but she was pulled out of her reverie by the feeling of her arm being grabbed. She whipped her head to the side to see Chaol, staring daggers at the man instead of her. She must’ve been standing there longer than she realized.

“Aelin, is this guy giving you trouble?” He asked her, still holding her arm. She yanked it free, not happy about being manhandled.

“No” she said slightly shakily. He didn’t look convinced, but the man stepped in before Chaol said anything else.

“Sorry for any confusion, I used to work with Aelin” gods the sound of her name on his tongue “I recognized her and I just wanted to say hi.” He smiled brightly, sticking out his hand. Chaol warily shook it. “I’m Rowan.”

_ Rowan _ . 

It was perfect. The sound of it settled deep in her soul, striking a chord she didn’t even know existed.

She glanced at his,  _ Rowan’s _ , friends, and they both just looked baffled. Apparently he hadn’t told them about her, which wasn’t surprising. She had only told one person after all, out of necessity. That person in question was standing awkwardly to the side, not knowing what to do or say. Aelin could relate.

Before she could respond, Chaol grabbed her arm again and dragged her roughly away.

“Chaol. Let me go.” She said sharply and angrily, earning a surprised look from him at her tone. When he didn’t remove his hand, she removed it for him, tearing it away from her before stalking off to the bathroom. She needed a place to cool down for a second.

Once she was inside, she splashed water on her face, not caring about her makeup.

Her life had gone to shit. Well and truly. She was just so confused. All the time. And she hated it.

Aelin sighed, rubbing her face dry and glancing up at the mirror to see her completely smeared and runny mascara.

She didn’t understand why Rowan had covered for her. He could obviously tell Chaol was her boyfriend, and she  _ had  _ not so subtly asked him to keep their little affair quiet, but she didn’t expect him to follow through. Especially since she was sure she had gotten him in trouble with his own girlfriend, who had definitely connected the dots when she had seen Aelin leaving all those weeks ago. He had no reason to help her, but he had.

Aelin sighed and went back out to their table, meeting various faces of confusion and concern at her wrecked appearance.

“Can we go home?” She asked Chaol quietly.

“I actually was planning on having a few more drinks, can we stay a bit longer?” He responded. Lysandra piped in quickly.

“I can drive you home, Aelin.” Aelin smiled at her gratefully, and they grabbed their purses before heading out of the bar.

She didn’t look at Rowan as they left.


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took me so long! The beginning of the school year has been especially chaotic. And sorry if Nesryn seems ooc, I needed someone to fit that role and she’s who I thought of.

The pieces of that night were slowly coming together in her brain, seemingly triggered by her latest encounter with Rowan. Aelin now remembered seeing him for the first time, after just getting to the bar. She had locked eyes with him while waiting for her first drink, and had immediately thought he was the sexiest man she had ever had the pleasure of seeing.

But Aelin hadn’t made a move then, and she was still hazy on when she eventually did.

There was another, unfamiliar, face she remembered seeing that night. A woman who looked to be around her age, with short black hair and tan skin. Aelin didn’t know why this woman’s face was in her mind, or why it brought sickening anger to her stomach, but she knew it must be important. But the reason was out of her grasp.

It was extremely frustrating, and it reminded her of why she tried not to drink too much.

Except, she admittedly had been drinking more and more lately. Not out anywhere, though, she had officially sworn off all bars after her  _ second  _ bad incident. 

But Aelin was getting bored more and more now, spending her evenings alone, and she had found that alcohol was a good way to get her mind off of things like Chaol and why he was never home to keep her from drinking a whole bottle of wine in one night.

It was always random errands, or getting a drink with his coworkers, or helping a friend move, or going to dinner with a friend that he hadn’t seen in ages. She had no right to be suspicious, and knew she was probably only viewing these signs as signs because of her own actions, but Aelin couldn’t help but wonder. And the benefit of the doubt only stretched so far, which is why she insisted on going to his law firm’s annual black tie event. Chaol had said many times that she didn’t have to go. He reasoned that he didn’t want to force her to sit through the many speeches and boring conversation, but she wanted to meet the people that took up so much of his time.

Which is how she ended up in the passenger seat of his car, dressed in a long red dress and matching heels, on her way to a swanky hotel. For the entire ride there, Chaol had a strange expression on his face that she couldn’t identify. He almost seemed to be … nervous, which just strengthened her resolve to go.

But only thirty minutes in, she discovered her boyfriend was right. The event was extremely boring. And she had sensed nothing odd about his work friends, they all seemed like nice people, and all of the women were married, although she supposed that didn’t really mean much in this situation. The lack of suspicious behavior meant she was left to her own devices pretty quickly, and to her that meant the open bar.

An hour and a half in, she was almost completely drunk, and she could tell Chaol definitely regretted bringing her. She was loud when she drank, laughing a little too much at everything his associates said and making a little too many crude jokes of her own. Chaol was adamant about the importance of appearances, but she couldn't care less about that at the moment. But Aelin also was still aware enough to feel a little bad, so she knew she should probably apologize. Her suspicions about him were obviously wrong, so she had no reason to be so antagonistic.

By that point, her boyfriend had given up on trying to keep track of her, but Aelin easily found him, talking to his boss and his boss’ wife.

“Chaol!” she shouted, staggering over to him. He looked up at the sound, and grimaced at her obviously tipsy appearance.

“Aelin,” he muttered as she latched on to his arms.

“I wanted to say sorry,” she spat out, words sounding rushed, “I know I shouldn't have drank all of that champagne, but I missed you,” she whined, her logic probably only making sense to her. She glanced at his boss, realizing she probably should introduce herself, but Chaol cut her off.

“Maybe it’s time you go home,” he continued, sounding annoyed, “You can call Aedion to come pick you up.” She shook her head.

“No, I’m only going home if you’re coming with me. We were supposed to spend this evening together,” Aelin replied, her filter seemingly gone out the window as she waggled her eyebrows suggestively. Even if she wasn’t sure she liked Chaol all that much anymore, he  _ was  _ her boyfriend, and boyfriends were supposed to spend time with their girlfriends.

“Gods,” Chaol said under his breath before making their excuses to his boss and pulling her toward the exit, stopping by their table to grab her purse first. She frowned when he didn’t grab his own stuff, but didn’t argue as he guided her toward the door, albeit roughly. “I would never have let you come if I knew you were going to do this.”

She looked over at him at his words and pulled her arm away from his grasp. “What, am I not good enough for you?” she said sarcastically. She was normally a happy drunk, but now she was angry. She had tried to apologize and he just blew her off, ignoring her once again. Chaol just huffed a sigh and shoved open the door, walking into the hotel lobby beyond. She followed after him, a little too out of it to do anything else.

The lobby was large, and it took them awhile to make it to the front door, but they did eventually, and he practically shoved her into the cold January weather, muttering another “go home” before walking back inside, leaving her alone. 

Aelin stood there for a few moments, reorienting herself with her surroundings. She didn’t have a coat, so she immediately started shivering, the cold getting to her. Eventually, she reached into her purse for her phone, intending to call Aedion like her “boyfriend” suggested, but she came up short. It must’ve fallen out at the table somewhere, because it most definitely was not here.

Aelin decided she’d rather sit out there a freeze than go back inside and see Chaol again, she couldn’t believe how he was acting. Yeah, she was probably making him look bad, but he knew she was drunk and he just threw her out here to fend for herself. So fend for herself she would. She didn’t need his help.

But her current state of mind wasn’t suitable for thinking of any smart ideas, so she just kept standing there, unsure of how to proceed.

Groups of people from the party streamed past her every now and then, signalling the late hour, but she just stood there, her nose and her fingers going numb. 

She didn’t move from her position until a sort of familiar face passed by in her peripheral. It was the woman she remembered from that night, the one with black hair and tan skin. She was pretty, a very different kind of pretty from Aelin herself, but pretty nonetheless. But that didn’t stop the surge or irrational anger that was brought up by the sight of her, signalling that obviously  _ something _ had happened with this woman at the bar that night. 

A signal that was only emphasized by the wide-eyed, almost fearful look the woman gave Aelin when she spotted her.

Aelin opened her mouth to say something, anything, but stopped when the woman’s attention was drawn away by someone calling her name.  _ Nesryn _ , she heard. It sparked familiarity in her, made worse by the fact that the person saying it was none other than her boyfriend, who then ran up to the woman and greeted her with a kiss. She vaguely took in the scene, her drunk mind not really understanding what was going on, and only thinking that she must have been standing there for longer than she realized if Chaol was leaving now too.

But a torrent of memories suddenly flowed through her brain, making her headache even worse than it already was.

_ Aelin drained her second glass of whiskey, eager for a distraction after her heated glance with the green eyed man. And a distraction from her idiotic boyfriend who had driven her to drink tonight. The sound of his name from a group nearby drew her attention, and she couldn’t help but listen in, aware that Chaol wasn’t a common name. _

_ The woman speaking had short black hair, tan skin, and piercing dark eyes, and she seemed to be excited about something, looking like she was updating her friends with the latest gossip. _

_ “Yeah, Chaol and I have been texting constantly now, after the whole incident, you know,” the woman said, giggling. Aelin’s eyebrows shot up. “We’re meeting again tomorrow, but we have to be careful because he has a girlfriend.” _

_ Aelin choked on her drink, gaining the group’s attention, but she waved them away, not eager to confront the woman right here. Anger burned in her gut. That would be a conversation for her boyfriend instead. So she stayed quiet, until she heard _

_ “I don’t know much about her, but from what Chaol’s said, she seems like a naive bitch. Especially if she hasn’t suspected anything by now” _

_ Aelin clenched her jaw and threw back the third glass of whiskey the bartender handed her before turning to the woman, feigning nonchalance. _

_ “Hi, excuse me,” she said, brightly and innocently, “I heard you mention a man named Chaol, do you work with him or something? I’m his girlfriend, Aelin.” Her voice got sharper as she continued on, and she saw the woman’s face pale at her words. _

_ “Uhh, yeah, I’m Nesryn, I work at the same law firm as him,” she said hesitantly, as if gauging how much Aelin heard. _

_ “Ah,” Aelin said overdramatically, “so it’s work you’re meeting him for? I mean, you wouldn’t be meeting a man with a girlfriend for something else, right?” She narrowed her eyes, and Nesryn paled even more but also pursed her lips in offense. “But, what do I know? I’m just a naive bitch.” And with that, she stood up and headed toward the bathroom, shouldering past the other woman. _

_ Gods, Chaol was cheating on her. It was a shock, if she was honest. He always seemed so nice, so polite, so  _ boring _ , but apparently there was another side to him. It made her fill with rage that she could have been played like this, so angry that she needed to do something to hurt him too.  _

_ As she walked toward the bathroom, she locked eyes with that green eyed man again, and she knew what to do. _

Coming back to the present, Aelin stared wide-eyed at the two figures. Nesryn had already seen her, but when Chaol noticed her looking, his face completely blanched. 

“Aelin,” he stuttered, most likely about to start making an excuse, but Aelin didn’t stay to hear it. She just turned and started walking down the sidewalk, away from the both of them. She was drunk, and without a phone, a coat, or a ride, but she just wanted to get home. Even if home wasn’t where she thought it was anymore


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve last updated! I was struggling to write this for a little bit, but I’m hoping to get the next chapter written more quickly!

Aelin trudged down the sidewalk, carrying her heels in one hand and trying to keep her balance with the other. Walking down a busy road at night while drunk was not her smartest idea, not to mention it was about 40 degrees outside and she was in a sleeveless dress. Catching hypothermia was a real possibility, but she didn’t feel the cold. She didn’t feel much of anything at the moment. Just hollowness.

Yes, she had cheated on Chaol, but she now knew  _ he _ had been cheating on  _ her _ for much longer. It was odd, she obviously was upset, but there was a sense of relief too. There was no reason for guilt anymore, no lingering feelings of self loathing that made staying with him more bearable than being alone. Aelin was free to leave, but she didn’t know where to go.

They lived together, had a  _ life  _ together, and without it she was left with nothing. Aedion or Lysandra would take her in in a heartbeat, but she didn’t want to impose on either of them and also felt like she should take this chance to gain some independence, stop relying on other people to help her manage the world.

But first, she had to pick a destination instead of just wandering aimlessly down the street.

Going back to her house was the only thing she could think of. All of her stuff was there, and if Chaol had the nerve to show up tonight then she would just kick him out. Sure it was technically  _ their  _ house, but it was her name on the rental agreement.

The thought of throwing Chaol out of the house was very satisfying, and her next few minutes of walking were filled with different imaginings of the situation, her drunk brain coming up with mostly violent ones. Probably not good, but it just made her chuckle.

Cars whizzed past her as she continued, the lights making her head pound. She passed a few pedestrians as she went, all of them sensing she was a drunk and either giving her a concerned look or a judgmental eye roll. Aelin didn’t care one way or the other.

But when she heard a car pull up behind her she had enough clarity to be wary, so she acted like she didn’t notice, hoping to keep unwanted attention away. She heard a car door slam and she picked up her pace.

“Aelin!” A familiar voice shouted, causing her to freeze. Aelin turned around slowly, meeting a pair of green eyes filled with concern. She blinked and didn’t say anything, not trusting anything coming out of her mouth right now. Rowan approached her slowly, as if trying not to startle her. “What are you doing out here?” He asked.

“I’m walking home,” she replied, voice a little slurred, and Rowan cursed.

“Are you drunk? Who left you here?” Aelin blinked again and shivered, suddenly cold. Rowan immediately took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders before she could protest. Aelin made to give it back, but caught a whiff of it and kept it on. It smelled like pine and snow, a soothing scent that somehow made her feel safe. The lingering warmth of him was still there, and she clutched it tighter to her body.

“Was it your boyfriend? The one at the bar?” He pressed. She stared blankly for a second, but then looked away and slowly nodded, and saw Rowan clench his jaw.

“Why do you care?” She managed to get out, voice small, “you don’t know me.” She was starting to feel sick and was eager to get away from his attention. He just looked thoughtful, as if contemplating his answer to her question.

“Do you need a ride home?” Was all he said, and Aelin scoffed before turning back around and starting to walk away, still holding his jacket and moving unsteadily.

“Aelin! It’s not safe!” Rowan called out. She spun around and glared at him, not at all happy with his overbearing attitude, but the fast action caused her nausea to shoot up and she bent over clutching her stomach and her head. The world started spinning, she couldn’t see straight, couldn’t hear, couldn’t focus on anything but the clamminess of her skin and the hurricane in her stomach. Gods she was going to puke. 

She vaguely saw Rowan shooting an arm out to help her, but she stumbled back and then fell as her world went dark.

  
  
  


When Aelin came to, her eyes locked onto the sight of familiar curtains letting in a familiar stream of light. She shifted, dislodging a familiar comforter from her shoulders. The slight movement caused her head to pound, and she groaned, not eager for the obvious hangover. But when she processed  _ why  _ the room was so familiar, she shot up, ignoring the pain.

She was back in Rowan’s bedroom, just like before. But unlike before, she was alone, she was fully clothed in her dress from the night before, and she no longer had a boyfriend. Well, she still had to tell her boyfriend that he was no longer that, but the principle still applied.

She was free to fuck Rowan if she wanted to, ironically, but it seems like she hadn’t. She didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.

Aelin rolled out of the bed, taking far longer than normal due to the massive headache, and stumbled to the adjoining bathroom. One glance in the mirror revealed to her that she looked horrific, with mascara smeared all along her eyes and her hair an absolute rats nest. But the obviously male bathroom didn’t exactly have the supplies she needed to put herself together, and to be honest she didn’t really care, so she just left the room, heading toward the hallway, and hopefully toward answers.

She remembered everything from the night before, not blackout drunk like last time, but she didn’t know why Rowan took her here. But when she thought about it, it made sense. She was passed out, not exactly able to tell him where she lived or where any of her friends lived. But she still didn’t know why he cared in the first place, why he had stopped to help her when she was stumbling home drunk and alone. It left a warm, fuzzy feeling in her chest at the thought of him being concerned, but she shook it away.

She didn’t know him, beyond what her body already knew, and she was in the process of getting out of a very serious relationship. It wasn’t exactly the best time to be jumping into another one. And he still confused her. First, he had acted like a complete asshole, then he had covered for her when facing Chaol, and now he had helped her get somewhere safe when she had clearly been incapacitated. Her few encounters with him had all been in stressful situations, and she didn’t know what he would be like when there wasn’t something on the line.

The smell of coffee greeted her as she walked into the kitchen, waking up her senses a little more. Her senses were given a further shock when she ventured into the room and saw a shirtless Rowan standing by the stove, making scrambled eggs. From her position behind him, he couldn’t see her, so she took a moment to admire the smooth skin and the defined muscles of his back and arm as he moved the eggs around in the pan.

He was much more built than Chaol, meaning he must visit the gym quite regularly, not that she was complaining, seeing as that habit led to the nice sight in front of her.

But she must’ve made a noise and didn’t know it, because Rowan turned around to face her, smiling hesitantly.

“Good morning,” he said slowly, as if trying to gauge her now sober reaction to his presence. She didn’t respond, just moved to the coffee pot, hoping to find some relief for her hangover. “Do you want some breakfast?” He continued. She nodded her head and he made her a plate, setting it in front of her as she took a seat at the counter.

“So your girlfriend moved out?” Was the first thing out of her mouth. Her voice was flat and tired. She didn’t know why asking about his relationship was her priority, and she didn’t know why it came out sounding genuine when she had meant it to be sardonic, but it happened and she couldn’t take it back. Rowan looked surprised at the question, but answered it anyway.

“Yeah, pretty much right after you left that day,” he said simply. Aelin nodded in understanding.

“Sorry,” She said drily, moving her food around on her plate instead of eating it. It seemed like this hangover was not compliant with an appetite, so she avoided eating to avoid tempting fate.

“It’s not your fault,” he said quietly, not looking at her. She raised an eyebrow but left the comment alone even though it was clear there was more to it. Aelin knew she should just leave, but the same dilemma from the night before presented itself. Where should she go? Right now, she was in a warm house, with good food and hot company, and no amount of awkward morning after a one night stand vibes would keep her from that.

After a few moments of sitting in silence, Aelin took a small bit of the eggs and practically moaned at how good they tasted. She saw Rowan chuckle slightly at her reaction out of the corner of her eye.

“I’m assuming that means you like them,” he said, his deep voice rumbling with amusement.

“Better than your skills in bed,” she couldn’t help but tease him. He choked on his sip of coffee and mock-glared at her.

“I thought you don’t remember anything from that night?” He asked, a smile teasing at his lips, and she chuckled.

“I don’t, but one can assume,” she replied sarcastically, making it clear that that’s not what she thought. Aelin couldn’t help but think of the ridiculousness of their situation. Two near strangers, forced together because of reckless decisions and broken relationships, eating breakfast and casually making fun of the other like it was an everyday thing. But it felt normal, and she didn’t know what to make of that. She didn’t know a lot these days.

“You still haven’t answered my question,” she said a few minutes later. Rowan looked over from his place behind the counter, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Why did you help me last night, and that night at the bar with Chaol? You had no reason to.” He tensed a little bit, and she sat up straight, waiting expectantly for his response.

He finally sucked in a breath and said, “I have a confession to make.”


	5. Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve finally written it! Took me way too long but here it is!

Aelin stared at him in silence, waiting for him to continue. Rowan sucked in a breath.

“I wasn’t drunk that night,” he said, sounding guilty. Her eyes widened. “Well I was, but not blackout drunk like you were, which I swear I didn’t know until the next morning” he amended, holding his hands up in defense.

“But,” Aelin stuttered, “that would mean you remember what happened. That would mean you lied.” She emphasized the lying, honesty growing ever more important to her recently.

“Yes I do,” he said simply, “and I did. Lie that is. And I’m sorry for that, but I’m not sorry about what happened.” Aelin blushed at the implication, but clenched her teeth still in anger.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” she said. Rowan walked over to the couch and sat down, and she trailed after him, lifting up her long dress a little bit to avoid tripping on the hem.

“You … told me things,” he said, looking at her out of the side of his eyes, “and when I knew you didn’t remember telling me, I didn’t want you to be embarrassed or hurt because you regretted it.”

“Tell me,” she practically spit out, “I want the whole story.”

Rowan sighed, and then began.

_ \---- _

Rowan huffed a sigh as he downed his drink from his seat at the bar. He shouldn’t be here. He knew that. He should be at home, ordering takeout and watching TV, waiting patiently for Lyria to get home from her business trip the next morning.

Gods, his relationship with her was such a mess. They both knew it was over, both knew that they weren’t meant for each other and would likely find more happiness elsewhere, but they hadn’t let go. Ever since Lyria’s miscarriage, it had been a ticking time bomb toward the end of their time together, but their stubbornness was delaying the inevitable. They had been so excited to raise a child together, so happy and in love. But when that dream ended, it shattered each of them individually and therefore shattered them together. The other person soon became a constant reminder of what they had lost, and it was easier to stay away then look that devastation in the eyes.

But Lyria still held on. Rowan knew she thought it would be like giving up, letting their grief overtake them by admitting it ruined their relationship, but he thought it would be allowing them to finally let go of their grief by accepting that they deserved to be happy again. Happiness that couldn’t come from their current circumstances.

Which was why he was here. He needed a drink.

After a few minutes of mindlessly watching the football game on the TV behind the bar, he glanced around the crowded room and accidentally made eye contact with the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had luscious golden hair, currently loose and flowing down her back. She was wearing a tight dark green dress, barely hitting her mid thighs, and he would’ve run his gaze down her curves, but he was pinned in place by the most stunning eyes he had ever seen. Turquoise, ringed with the slightest amount of gold, shining brightly in the lights.

Rowan suddenly felt the urge to walk up to her, introduce himself, maybe buy her a drink just so she would keep looking at him. His heart raced and his breathing felt shallow as they continued their heated staring match, but eventually she looked away and wandered up to the bar on the opposite side from where he sat, seemingly alone.

He felt empty without the weight of her gaze, and he drained another whiskey in response. Whoever this girl was, he wouldn’t, couldn’t, have anything to do with her. Despite the flaws of their relationship, he was still dating Lyria and he wouldn’t disrespect her by flirting with another woman.

So, knowing this, he finally turned his head away and went back to the football game. One team seemed to have just scored, but he wasn’t paying enough attention to really pick out which one. 

About half an hour later, he was two drinks in and his brain was getting fuzzy. Rowan didn’t get drunk very easily, but he was definitely tipsy and knew he was in the bad decision making zone. Which is why he almost found himself seeking out that blond goddess again. He was standing up and on the way over to her when his phone began ringing in his pocket. 

He pulled it out and when he saw Lyria’s name flashing, admittedly comprehending it was her after far longer than normal, he abandoned his plans with a shake of his head and wandered outside for some quiet. 

He accepted the call and lifted the phone to his ear, but didn’t say anything, waiting for his girlfriend to start talking and tell him what she wanted.

“ _ Rowan _ ?” her soft voice said.

“Yes?” he responded. He moved farther away from the doors of the bar as a large group made their way over.

_ “I think it’s time to call it,” _ she said finally. He blinked and stayed silent. That was definitely not what he was expecting from this conversation. 

“What?” he questioned, needing to confirm that it wasn’t his own rattled mind creating the words coming from her mouth.

“ _ We’ve fooled ourselves for long enough, _ ” she sighed, static bursting through the phone, “ _ we both know this isn’t working anymore _ .” Rowan was shocked, and a little confused. He’d been dancing around this subject for weeks now, trying to find a subtle way to bring it up, and she’d always shut him down. So he didn’t know what brought around this change of heart. But he couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. This was a good thing, a chance for them to both move on.

“ _ I’ll pack up my stuff when I get home tomorrow, _ ” she continued, “ _ My sister said I could stay with her for now until I find my own place.”  _ Rowan still didn’t say anything, not sure what he even would say, but apparently she took his silence for acceptance. “ _ I met someone. At the bar of my hotel. We only talked for a few minutes, but he was nice. And I realized that I’d felt more from that short conversation than I have the past few months with you. And I know you must feel the same. I’m sorry, and I hope you find your happiness. _ ” And with that, she hung up, leaving him alone.

The street noise was blaring in his ears, but he couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t see anything, couldn’t really think. It was over. She had ended it. He wasn’t really upset, but it was a big change. A chapter of his life had come to a close and he didn’t know what the next one was going to be.

After a few minutes of contemplation, he walked back into the bar, hoping to get another drink before probably going home. 

He ended up shooting back two more whiskeys, and as he headed toward the front door, intending to get a taxi or an Uber, he locked eyes with the blonde woman again, and she stumbled toward him, apparently pretty drunk herself.

She practically collapsed into him, and Rowan grabbed her arms to steady her, almost losing balance himself.

“Will you sleep with me?” she asked frankly, and he choked, again afraid his mind was not comprehending the situation correctly. 

“What?” was all he managed to say, and she straightened and looked him in the eye surprisingly steadily. Maybe she wasn’t as drunk as she seemed. He definitely was, but still knew that no matter how beautiful and alluring this girl was, he had just gotten out of a long term relationship literally less than an hour ago and jumping into someone else’s arms wasn’t going to solve anything. 

“Why not? Am I not sexy enough for you?” she said, shocking him further. He finally glanced down her body, and his mouth went dry. She had gorgeous long, tan legs, shown off by her short dress, and his mind went to inappropriate places when he saw her breasts peeking out of the low neckline. But it was still her eyes that drew him in the most, threatening to stare right into his soul and rip apart his heart. But he would enjoy every moment of it if she kept looking at him.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, unsure of what to say.

“Please?” she further insisted, “I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months at least and I need to get back at him.” Her voice fumbled over the words and tears filled her ears before he could respond. She seemed to deflate a bit, any previous energy gone. Gods, He didn’t even know her but he wanted to punch whoever caused her to look like that.

Rowan decided to lead her over to one of the empty tables in the back as her tears started to spill down her cheeks. He grabbed her a glass of water and another drink for himself from the bar, and she sipped at it, slightly hiccuping.

“Are you okay?” He asked, knowing it was a stupid thing to say but not able to think of anything else. She just nodded sadly and avoided looking at him, as if embarrassed.

“I’m sorry,” she replied, “I didn’t expect to have a breakdown when asking you to fuck me.” Despite the situation, the statement made him chuckle slightly and she glanced up at him and smiled a little herself. The tears still showed on her face but Rowan thought she looked radiant.

“I’m Rowan,” he chose to say, sticking out his hand in greeting. She reached out and shook it in response.

“I’m Aelin.”

_ Aelin _ .

He didn’t think he had heard a more perfect name in his life. Especially for this perfect woman in front of him.

Aelin sighed and rubbed her temples. He leaned back in his seat and drained his glass, head feeling more than fuzzy now. His evening was turning out way different than he could’ve guessed. If someone had told him a week ago, even a day ago, that he would be single and sitting in front of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen after she had just propositioned the idea of sex, he would’ve snorted in disbelief. But here he was.

“Why do men act like complete dicks all the time,” Aelin said suddenly. Rowan’s brows shot up and he chuckled again. He knew she was referring to the asshole boyfriend she had mentioned earlier, but he couldn’t help but tease her, his drunken mouth having no inhibitions.

“Well hopefully that doesn’t apply to me, considering you just asked to sleep with me,” he said, earning a glare from her.

“I don’t know yet, it might,” she replied mockingly.

“Well then, nothings keeping you here,” he joked.

Silence draped over them for a moment and he began to fear that she was actually going to leave, but then she said

“And yet, here I am,” she said, raising her own brows, “to cheating boyfriends,” she toasted, raising her water glass. Rowan raised his empty glass before setting it back down and leaning back against the seat.

“So what brings you here alone on a Friday night,” Aelin said after a few minutes, leaning forward and twirling her straw in her glass. He sighed.

“Oh, just death and failed relationships,” he said nonchalantly, ignoring the painful twisting of his heart. To his horror, she started crying again, tears once again dripping down her face. “Gods I’m sorry,” he said quickly, “I didn’t mean to make you cry again.” She shook her head and rubbed at her cheeks, wiping away the traces of emotion.

“It seems like you and I have that in common,” she finally said, “death and failed relationships,” she repeated with a huff of breath. Aelin closed her eyes and seemed to struggle with herself before continuing, “his name was Sam and I lost him.”

He sucked in sharply, but waited to see if she was done before replying. But she continued pretty quickly, rambling tone of voice suggesting her nerves and her likely intoxication.

“It was a  _ stupid _ hit and run driver. I don’t even know who it was, the police gave up after a week of no results. It’s been three years but it just keeps eating away at me,” her voice became more unsteady, sounding like she was on the verge of another breakdown, “It hasn’t slowed down and I feel like I’m becoming emptier day after day. I  _ can’t _ keep living like this but I’m powerless to stop it.” Aelin looked up at him and the despair in her eyes nearly killed him.

“Does it get better?” She asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly, knowing he wasn’t anywhere near over his loss yet, “but maybe we can find the way back together.”

She sent a small, watery smile his way. “I would like that.”

“Me too,” he said, sending a smile back.

After a few minutes Aelin giggled, slightly mischievous sounding, and he prepared himself for what she said, the topic completely changing.

“Do you want to go dance?” She asked, “there’s a new club across the street.” She looked away for a second, brows furrowed. “I just want to forget for an evening.”

Gods damn it, he knew he shouldn’t do this, knew he was drunk and she probably was too, but he couldn’t stop himself from agreeing. He wanted to forget too. Wanted to forget the baby he had never met, the relationship that had crumbled around him, the unknowable void that was his future. But he didn’t want to forget her


	6. Part 6

“That little fucker,” was the first thing out of Aelin’s mouth when he finished. Seeing that woman the night before had jogged her memory, but hearing it confirmed from Rowan was painful. Aelin had learned that Chaol was cheating on her three months ago now, but she had stayed with him because she was too drunk to remember it. Gods she was pathetic. But not as pathetic as him.

Rowan looked a little surprised that that was her first reaction, and laughed a little incredulously.

“I’m inclined to agree,” he said and they both chuckled again, despite the seriousness of the story Rowan had just told. A story that she couldn’t even begin to process. “Do you want anything to drink?” He asked, and walked into the kitchen when she asked for a glass of water.

Alone once again, she was left to her thoughts.

She had told Rowan about Sam.

She had bared her soul, the darkest part of her, and she couldn’t even remember it.

Aelin’s breath felt a little short and the room got slightly blurry. She had told him. Someone else knew. It was an overwhelming thought. She had always been a private person and the thought of sharing such a story made her panicky. Her hands started shaking and she clenched them in fists to try and keep them steady.

Gods she needed to calm down. 

Lysandra. She needed Lysandra. Her best friend always helped her through these episodes, which had only increased in frequency over the years since the crash. 

She whirled around, looking around the room for her bag from the night before, and rushed over to the table where she found it laying.

But Aelin cursed when she opened the bag and remembered that her phone wasn’t there. It had been left in the hotel somewhere, meaning her plans to call Lysandra were shot. 

By herself, everything seemed like  _ too much _ . A man she hardly knew had just admitted she had spilled her darkest secrets to him, and the man she was supposed to know better than anyone had turned into someone unrecognizable, someone willing to betray and abandon her. With her best friend, she’d maybe be able to sort through the mess that was her life. But it seemed like that wouldn’t be the case.

Aelin suddenly felt like crying, emotions oscillating way too rapidly.

“Something wrong?” Rowan asked hesitantly, from behind her. She glanced over and saw him walk back in, carrying water and her coffee cup from earlier in either hand.

“I don’t have my phone,” she said, voice weak, “I lost it last night.”

She took slow, deep breaths, subduing the panic she felt coursing through her. It was easier than it had been before, something about Rowan’s presence seemed to calm her down.

“Do you want to use mine?” He asked, sitting back down and looking at her. Aelin shook her head, she didn’t know Lysandra’s number anyway, just had it saved in her phone.

“I’m fine, but thank you.” She met his gaze as she said the last words, hoping he understood what she was trying to convey. She wasn’t just grateful for his offer, she was grateful for  _ everything.  _ Helping get her somewhere safe, saving her from a nasty confrontation with her boyfriend, understanding her in a way that no one else did and not pitying her or thinking less of her for her past. It meant more than she could say, so she hoped the simple thank you was enough. The way Rowan held her eyes and nodded in response told her he understood. Like he always did.

Yes she had told him about Sam, but he had told her about his own loss too. A loss that seemed to have crippled him as much as her own had ruined her.

But the bittersweet melancholy quickly gave way to anger as her brain shoved the reminder of Chaol back at her. 

“Could you give me a ride home?” Aelin asked, “I need to  _ finally  _ deal with my jackass of a boyfriend.” She needed to break up with him once and for all, kick him out of the house and be rid of him and his toxicity. 

“Of course,” Rowan said, and they both stood up, him grabbing his keys and her walking across the simple living room to the front door. The door that she had escaped from months ago.

Aelin told him her address and he confirmed that he knew where it was, only a short distance from where they were now. 

The car ride was mostly silent. Not awkward, though, more peaceful. As the streets passed by, Aelin looked out the window, admiring the morning light. She quickly found her thoughts turning to Rowan, inexplicably drawn to him. She didn’t know much about him, not even his last name, but so far he had proved himself to be caring and very respectful, not pushing her boundaries except for the first night, which she couldn’t blame him for, as they were both drunk and she had practically thrown herself at him. And the loss of his  _ child.  _ It was enough to wreck anyone, had wrecked his relationship, but he was still here, pushing through his grief, not letting it get the best of him. Aelin wished she could say the same of herself.

————

When they pulled up to her house a few minutes later, Chaol’s car was in the driveway and her jaw instinctively clenched.

This would be hard, but then it would be over. Aelin couldn’t wait for it to be over.

She opened the car door, feeling the brisk January air on her arms still exposed from her dress from the night before. Rowan didn’t say anything as she got out, leaving it up to her on how to say goodbye. But she realized she didn’t want to say goodbye.

“Would you, I don’t know, maybe want to get coffee sometime?” she asked, turning around to face the driver’s seat. Her shaky voice betrayed her nerves, but Rowan smiled shyly, reassuring her.

“I would love to,” he responded, and she smiled back. There was too much still left unsaid between them, but now was not the time to unpack it all. Since she didn’t have her phone, she jotted his number down on her hand as he gave it to her with a pen from his cup holder.

She promised to text him, and after a soft goodbye, Aelin walked up toward the house. 

Upon entry, she found Chaol in the kitchen, glaring out the window that opened to the front yard. Meaning he had probably seen Rowan dropping her off. A jolt of nerves shot through her, but she shook it off, knowing that she had no reason to be nervous. She was angry and wouldn’t apologize for her actions.

“Coworker, huh?” was the first thing out of his mouth, cutting her off before she even got a chance to talk.

“I don’t think it’s any of your business,” she said sternly, walking past him to go toward their bedroom, hoping to finally change into some comfier clothes. The dress she had picked was fine, and not  _ un _ comfortable, but sleeping in it had not been fun.

Aelin mainly just left to give herself a moment to process. She just kept seeing Chaol and that other woman and every time she wanted to punch something. But in a little bit she wouldn’t ever have to see his face again. The thought steeled her and she changed quickly.

When she emerged, dressed in a loose t-shirt and shorts, she went back to the kitchen, where Chaol was still brooding. She scoffed when her eyes spotted her phone on the counter, its presence making it clear that Chaol had found it before he left, and didn’t even care enough to return it to her, even though he had told her to call Aedion for a ride.

“Look, Aelin” he said, but she cut him off this time.

“Fuck you,” came out of her mouth before she could think, “Fuck you and your bullshit.” Tears sprang into her eyes yet again, but she wiped them away angrily. She was done with crying.

He squared his shoulders and clenched his jaw at her affront, and dared to utter “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Aelin’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief.

“Really?” she said sarcastically, “so you  _ don’t _ remember shoving your tongue down another girl’s throat last night? Hmm. Maybe you remember throwing me out into the cold alone while drunk and without a phone. Is that clearer in your head?”

“I didn’t throw you out,” he replied, not addressing the first part of the confrontation.

“It sure felt like it,” she said, raising her eyebrows again, “Was I just not interesting enough for you, anymore? You had to move onto a new prospect?” Her tone was mocking, but the bitter tinge in it made it clear that she was hurt. Which made her mad. She didn’t want to seem vulnerable, but she was just so _ angry. _

“What about you, Aelin?” he said, “Don’t think I don’t remember that morning you stumbled back into the house after we argued the night before. I didn’t buy your story about being with Lysandra for a  _ second _ .” Aelin shook her head and laughed incredulously.

“You’re right,” she said simply, “I slept with Rowan that night. I went out to the bar, saw him, and went back to his place and fucked him. Are you happy now?” The look he gave was scathing, but she kept going, voice raising to the point of shouting.

“And you know what? I felt guilty.  _ Guilty.  _ I was guilty every day for  _ three damn months _ because I was too drunk to remember why I cheated on you in the first place. But I remember now.”

Chaol stayed silent, his face stony.

“I saw your little fling that night,” Aelin spit out at him, “talking about her new man, and how they had to keep it a secret from his  _ girlfriend _ . And then I see her last night too, right after you abandoned me in front of all of your coworkers. Are you embarrassed of me, Chaol? Are you embarrassed of  _ her?  _ Or do you even care? Because I’m real  _ fucking  _ embarrassed that I  _ ever _ gave you a chance.”

She stormed toward the front door and threw it open.

“Get the fuck out of my house.”

He didn’t even try to stay and argue. As he passed her on his way out, she muttered a final “I hope you rot in hell” before slamming the door behind him, hopefully shutting him out of her life forever.

She wouldn’t realize until a few weeks later how false her hope would prove to be.


	7. Part 7

Aelin woke up the next morning feeling like a new woman. She had cried herself to sleep the night before, allowing her emotions to take over one last time before resolving to never be that much of a mess again.

She had let herself go in her relationship with Chaol and she would not give up her dignity like that anymore.

She practically pranced around the kitchen, making her coffee and some pancakes, breakfast the only decent meal she could cook.

Her phone laid face up on the counter, and she glanced at it frequently, waiting for a text back.

Her first course of action when she woke up had been to enter Rowan's number in her phone, and she had texted him a quick hello with her name to make sure he knew it was her.

She was just waiting for a response now.

It might’ve been a little fast to try and jump into something new right after the destruction of such a long term relationship, and a few days ago she would’ve hesitated more, but now it just felt  _ right.  _ And her and Chaol together had really died a long time ago, so she was ready to move on.

But it was still scary. She was eager, but she was nervous too.

Not to mention that Chaol would have to come back at some point to get his stuff. She wouldn’t necessarily have to be there, having been perfectly resigned the night before to never see him again, but she wanted to be there. Wanted to see him leave for the last time, get the final closure on what had been a disastrous three years of her life.

The sound of her text alert went off just as she switched off the stovetop burner, and she scrambled to grab it, practically bolting across the kitchen to get to it.

_ > Mistward Cafe at 2 pm? _

Aelin smiled and quickly typed back an  _ I’ll be there!  _ and switched her phone for her fork, stabbing at her pancakes. It was very convenient that it was sunday, meaning she didn’t have her job to work her schedule around. She was free all day.

But it was only about 9 in the morning, and she didn’t know how she was supposed to wait five hours until she saw Rowan again.

Her smile faded when she got another text alert, screen flashing to show the text was from Chaol. She hadn’t even thought about changing her contact for him yet, and the hearts around the name made her want to vomit.

_ > Are we even going to talk about this, Aelin? _

She stared at her phone in disbelief. Her feelings were made perfectly clear the night before so she didn’t even know what he was trying to do. It was pathetic.

_ < You can come get your stuff this afternoon. 4 pm. _

That was all she sent, and she shut the screen off, sighing heavily as she set it down on the counter. 4 pm would give her plenty of time for her date with Rowan. Coffee wouldn’t take very long, and she only lived about five minutes away from the place they were going. 

She would let Chaol into her life one more time. Best to get it out of the way.

\-------

Aelin stared at her reflection in the mirror, criticizing her outfit yet again. It just seemed like nothing in her closet was good enough. Was a dress too much for coffee? Would pants or shorts not be enough?

She was overthinking, something she was good at, and it was going to make her late.

She eventually decided on a sundress found in the back of her closet. The light blue brought out her eyes, and the flowy fabric was comfortable but still close enough to her body to show off her curves.

It was an old dress,  _ years  _ old, and it brought back bittersweet memories. Aelin had worn it to one of the last dates she and Sam had been on, before the accident that took him from her and threw her life off course. It signalled the end of that era, it seemed fitting that it would signal the beginning of the next.

She hadn’t worn it for Chaol. He probably wouldn’t even recognize it.

She sighed and grabbed her purse, rushing toward the door quickly. It was five til two so she couldn’t waste any more time.

After closing and locking her apartment door behind her, she grabbed her headphones from her purse and plugged them into her phone, putting on her playlist and keeping the volume low enough so she could still hear the bustling traffic of cars and pedestrians.

She had discovered the calming effect music had on her from her time in therapy after Sam. She had been spiraling, unable to keep herself afloat as she tried to deal with all of the death in her life. Her solution had been alcohol, wasting her nights away so she could forget. It was an easy habit, one she tried not to slip back into, but every so often she failed and let the urge take her. Like that night with Rowan, and too many other nights recently.

But music had been there on the days she didn’t drink her problems away, and it was still there for her now.

When she reached the cafe, a quaint little corner place, she pushed open the door, hearing the bright ring of a bell announcing her entrance as she turned off her music and unplugged her headphones. Aelin scanned the place, seeing a few different couples and groups scattered around, before spotting Rowan by himself at a table by the window looking out onto the street.

When his eyes met hers he gave a slight wave and smiled, setting her feet moving toward him before she realized what was happening.

She managed to get out a small “hi” before sitting down across from him, smiling nervously.

“Hi,” he replied, and they both sat there in almost awkward silence, unsure what to say, before she just blurted out what came to her head.

“What’s your last name?” She said suddenly, and Rowan looked a little surprised. She started rambling a little bit, “I mean, it seems weird that I don’t even know your last name when we’ve already hooked up and you’ve seen me super drunk and crying my eyes out. That’s weird right?” She chuckled awkwardly at the end, fidgeting slightly.

“Whitethorn,” he said when she paused, lips turning up slightly at her display of nerves. Aelin smiled a little bit and tried to relax.  _ Rowan Whitethorn.  _ It was a nice name, suited him well.

“Aelin Galathynius,” she said, sticking out her hand for a handshake, “nice to meet you.” He shook her hand and then they both dissolved into laughter. She dropped her head into her hands, “gods why am I so nervous about this?”

He raised his eyebrows in a teasing manner, and said with an air of sarcasm “I’m just a very nerve wracking person.”

Aelin snorted, “with a very puffed up sense of importance, hmm.”

His lips curved into a real smile as he replied, “I have you to keep up with, don’t I?”

She scoffed in response, and they soon eased into a normal conversation, asking simple get to know you questions. Apparently Rowan worked for Doranelle Times as a journalist. According to him, he didn’t really write any important articles himself, but he contributed to a lot of the background research.

After a while they decided to walk up to the counter and finally order their coffee, keeping the conversation going. Everything on the menu sounded good to her, but she stuck with her usual iced caramel macchiato, craving the sweetness. Rowan ordered a plain black coffee, which prompted a snort from her.

“So how’d things go with your boyfriend yesterday?” He asked when they were settled back at their table, but he winced and continued, “or ex-boyfriend I hope, or else this would be really awkward.”

Aelin smiled a little sadly, glancing out the window onto the street instead of at him.

“I confronted him, told him to fuck off, and he denied the whole thing,” she said, scratching at the wooden top of the table, “but don’t worry, I kicked him out.” 

Rowan shook his head. “What a dick.” He looked over at her, saying “if you don’t mind me asking, how did that relationship even start? You’re way too good for him.”

Aelin hesitated, considering how to best answer the question. She knew how it happened, and she knew Rowan would understand, but saying it out loud would require admitting it to herself, accepting it.

She took a deep breath.

“Well, I had been with Sam before him, as you know,” she said slowly, and he nodded in acknowledgement, “and when he died, I didn’t take it very well, as you also know,” she chuckled awkwardly, embarrassed at her loose tongue while drunk, “I stopped caring about a lot of other things in my life, I almost lost my job actually, and turned to drinking a lot more than I should’ve.” She let out a shuddering breath, and Rowan reached out with a comforting hand in hers.

“I’m close with one of Chaol’s best friends, Dorian,” she continued, “and after a few months he set me up with him, hoping it would maybe cheer me up a little bit,” she raised her eyebrows, “he was perfectly nice and a little boring maybe, but I didn’t really care, he couldn’t be Sam so it didn’t really matter what he was like. I went on autopilot for a lot of the initial stages, and then I just focused most of my energy on him as a distraction from my own problems. I became blind in an effort to avoid thinking about anything important.” She closed her eyes. Chaol had known about her past when they started dating, had known about Sam, about her addiction, about everything. He had ignored it in the beginning, but when things went downhill he began throwing it at her like a weapon.

And she too willingly took the blows.

“If it’s any consolation,” Rowan said, causing her to open her eyes and glance back up at him, “I think you’re amazingly strong for putting yourself back out there, no matter how poorly it ended up, you still had the guts to go out there and try again.”

Tears filled her eyes, but before she could respond, a waiter brought their coffee over, setting it in front of them.

They both thanked him and picked up their respective drinks. As Aelin took a sip, though, she almost spit it out. It tasted  _ awful  _ for some reason. Nowhere near normal. Most of the time, the caramel and the cream mixed with the plain coffee was delicious, a sweet combination that made her mouth water, but this time it was just bad.

Rowan looked at her with confusion in his eyes and his furrowed brows.

“Is something wrong? Did they mess up your order?”

“Maybe,” she replied, setting the coffee back down on the table, “I just know it does  _ not _ taste good.”

“Do you want to go ask for a new one?” He continued, but she shook her head. It wasn’t worth the trouble.

He didn’t look convinced, but she steered him back to a different conversation by asking him about the friends he had said he had made at his office. Rowan happily told her about one time his friend Fenrys had sent a screenshot of a conversation he had going with a girl to the whole office instead of just to him, and he almost had her in tears by the end of it. Aelin countered by telling him about the time her and Aedion had practically gotten into a fistfight over who the winner of the American Idol season should be, and how she had won by threatening to show Lysandra all of his embarrassing baby pictures.

It was light and easy, and keeping the conversation going was effortless, no forcing or faking any interest or pretending to care when she really didn’t. It was quite the contrast from Chaol, whose conversations drained her a majority of the time.

But this, this felt natural. It felt real.


	8. Part 8

Three weeks passed, full of texting and calling and four more dates. Aelin was happier than ever, finally looking at life optimistically.

But, one morning, Aelin woke up sick to her stomach. So bad that if she tried moving even a few inches from where she laid on her bed, nausea shot through her whole body and she felt like she was going to vomit. It was horrible, so much so that she called out of work for the day, something she rarely did, but it was worth it. If she couldn’t even move, then it wasn’t like she could get ready, make breakfast, drive to work, and then sit there in her office all day without regretting her very existence.

She sat there, under her covers, monitoring her breathing and making sure she didn’t throw up all over her bed. When the eventual urge struck, she bolted to her en suite bathroom and retched into her toilet.

Aelin was  _ miserable,  _ absolutely and utterly miserable. After a few rounds, she was able to rest back against the wall next to the toilet and take some deep breaths, closing her eyes.

Did she somehow get the flu? She had gotten her shot but there was a strain going around at the office. Maybe that was it. It didn’t really make sense but it could be. But then her eyes shot open.

When was the last time she had gotten her period?

The blood drained from her face as she calculated the weeks. She had so much other stuff going on that she hadn’t paid attention to it, but she was a couple weeks late.  _ Fuck. _

She would have to go to the pharmacy, pick up a pregnancy test. How would this have even happened? They made sure to use condoms every time, because the pill gave her terrible migraines, but she guessed the 99% effectiveness really screwed her over this time.

A text alert distracted her from her thoughts and she dragged herself back to her room to pick up her phone, revealing a good morning text from Rowan.

Despite everything, she smiled.

< _ good morning _

She texted back. They had been chatting back and forth most of the night before, her complaining about Chaol and him listening to her rant and adding in a few comments of his own.

Chaol had come and gone the other week without it being too much of a hassle, but the stubborn look on his face just made her angry every time she thought about it. They were officially broken up, his stuff all gone, but his actions still bugged her.

> _ how’s work treating you on this fine day? _

Aelin grimaced.

< _ I stayed home _

_ < I woke up not feeling well and decided to call out _

She couldn’t say why she was sick, or why she thought she was sick rather, that was a difficult situation to navigate. They had just started a relationship. Would he be scared away if she was pregnant? Would he not want to date someone who was potentially having another man's baby?

Because she was positive it was Chaol’s. It had been too long for it to be Rowan’s, a little over three months had passed and there was no way she could be pregnant that long and not notice. As much as she wished it was possible, she knew in her heart it wasn’t.

Which left her in a rough spot. If she  _ was  _ pregnant, which she was still hoping she wasn’t, she was going to keep the baby, no matter how horribly her relationship with the father ended.

She had always wanted a family, and knew that she would likely have trouble having kids. Her mother had barely managed one, and had almost died giving birth, and Aelin would probably face the same challenges.

And she didn’t need Chaol. Fuck him. She could be an independent single mom. Her job paid enough to support her and a child, and she’d much rather just do it alone than be forced back into some sort of relationship with him in an attempt to give the child a full home. That would just end up a shit show, and would hurt the baby instead of helping.

But she was still holding out for the possibility that she just had the flu.

> _ are you okay? Do you need me to bring you anything? I can tell my boss it’s an emergency _

That made her smile as she laid back on her bed, curling around a pillow.

< _ I’m fine, but thanks for the offer _

_ < I’ll probably just take a nap or something, hopefully I’ll feel better afterward _

_ > well, if you change your mind …. _

Fussy buzzard. She chuckled slightly and shook her head, nausea having receded a little bit.

She sent a smiling and blushing emoji back, accompanied with the words

< _ I’ll let you know I suppose _

_ < but get back to work before your boss fires you _

The second one was sent with a laughing emoji and she got a winking emoji as a reply.

> _ but if I get fired I can spend more time with you _

Aelin giggled, shook her head at her foolishness, and then collapsed back onto the comforter, smiling radiantly the whole time. But it faded as she remembered her situation.

She chewed on her lip, contemplating. The pharmacy down the street would be open by now, and she was feeling at least a little better, enough to get dressed and go out for half an hour. And it was a necessary trip.

Best to just get it out of the way.

\------

The ringing of the door greeted her as she stepped inside the pharmacy, the cool air hitting her and the bright lights straining her eyes. She was too tired for this.

But she took a deep breath and walked to where she knew the pregnancy tests would be, staring at all of the different options as she thought about which one was best. Aelin didn’t know anything about any of the brands, so she ended up just grabbing a few random ones, wanting to be able to double check her results.

“Aelin!” she heard from behind her, causing her to whirl around, coming face to face with Dorian. Dorian, Chaol’s best friend. She quickly hid the tests behind her back, hoping he hadn’t seen them.

“Dorian! Hi!” she said nervously. Normally she would hug him, as close as they were, but her arms remained firmly behind her.

“How’ve you been?” he said, smiling. It quickly faded as he realized what he said, why she wouldn’t be okay and whose fault that was.

But it was clear he became distracted from those thoughts as he saw her awkward position. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but he didn’t comment until one slipped out of her hand and clattered to the floor. She closed her eyes and internally groaned, knowing there was no way to hide it now.

Dorian’s eyes narrowed in on the offending item and he glanced up at her, shocked expression on his face.

“A pregnancy test?” he asked incredulously. Aelin cringed.

“Please don’t tell Chaol about this,” she practically begged, giving up on her attempts to hide her hands, “I’m not even sure yet, and if I am I want to tell him myself.”

He looked unsure, but he nodded and Aelin let out a sigh of relief.

“I’d stay and chat more,” she said, “but I’m really anxious to get home, for obvious reasons.” Despite everything, he chuckled and nodded.

“Hey,” he said, softer this time, “you know I’m sorry for what he did right? If I had any idea of what was going on, I would have done something about it.”

Aelin nodded and smiled a little sadly.

“I know, Dorian, I don’t blame you.” She squeezed his hand with her free one and then walked past him to the register, quickly purchasing her stuff.

The walk back to her house seemed to take forever, the steps inside to the bathroom centuries long as her stomach protested and her nerves almost caused her a heart attack.

She was scared. But she needed to know.

After doing what she had to do and setting a timer, Aelin sat down against the wall, leaning her head back and taking a deep breath.

She contemplated calling Rowan, wanting his soothing voice to reassure her, calm her down, but he was at work right now and she didn’t really want to have to explain why she wanted to talk to him. At least not yet. If this came back positive she would have to.

The beep of the timer going off had her heart practically stop, and she stood up on shaky legs, going into the bathroom slowly to check.

When she saw the clearly defined two blue lines, she couldn’t hold back the tears.

———

Several hours later, a light knocking on her front door made her wake up from her nap, wiping the sleep out of her puffy eyes as she stood up and walked out to the living room. Peering through the peephole let her know that it was Rowan out there, and she opened the door, a tired smile on her face.

After seeing the positive result, she had cried on and off, only stopping a little bit ago. The moment she woke up feeling sick, she knew it was likely, but the confirmation was still a shock.

But despite the difficult situation, she already loved the little bean in her stomach.

“Hi,” she said, and he smiled sympathetically back, no doubt noticing how awful she looked.

“Hey, Fireheart,” he said softly. It was a nickname he’d started using for her after she had told him how her mother used to call her that. She liked hearing it on his lips.

She opened the door wider to let him in, and it was only then she noticed the grocery bag he was carrying.

“What’s that?” She asked, curious and also trying to find something to distract from the inevitable conversation they would have to have.

“Oh,” he said, noticing her gaze, “I got some ice cream and some wine from the store. I wasn’t sure what mood you’d be in so I brought both.”

Rowan went to set the bag down on the counter, and she made to follow, but stopped when she registered his words. Some ice cream and some wine.

_ Shit. _

In all her panic the whole day, she had forgotten something critical. She was probably about six weeks pregnant, due to the morning sickness, which meant she had been three weeks pregnant when she broke up with Chaol.

And what had she been doing a lot of toward the end of their relationship?  _ Drinking. _ Her downward spiral had ended fairly quickly after she dumped him, which really showed what the cause was, but even then, she hadn’t cut the alcohol cold turkey.

She would need to now, though. Even with her limited knowledge of pregnancy, she knew alcohol was not good for babies.

And who knows how much the one inside of her had unknowingly been exposed to.

The thought brought tears to her eyes yet again. Gods, she was only 6 weeks along and she was already a horrible mother. What if the baby was affected? What if something was wrong?

A slight sob escaped her, and it drew Rowan’s attention. He turned to face her at the sound, and walked over quickly, seeing her distress.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He asked, brows furrowed in concern. He grabbed her hands and led her over to the couch, sitting them both down. “Are you feeling okay?”

Aelin shook her head and buried her face in his shoulder, not filtering the words that came out of her mouth.

“I’m pregnant,” she managed to get out between her sobs, not looking up to see his reaction. “And I’ve been drinking so much and I don’t know how that’s going to affect the baby, and how do I tell Chaol, and how am I even supposed to be a good mother, and I just don’t know what I’m going to do.” She finally stopped for breath, not realizing how rushed her words were. “I’m scared,” she said, still into his shoulder.

Rowan didn’t say anything, just wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his lap, resting his chin on her head and holding her close. They could save the rest of the conversation for later.


End file.
